Do you have one of those families who put the fun in dysfunction? I can recall many a Thanksgiving where we all found ourselves looking at each other from across the table, and tried not to spew green bean casserole while struggling to control what my mother deemed as inappropriate laughter.
It’s a grand American tradition to greet the harvest season with memories of our favorite tales of culinary woes and crazy guests for your turkey-basting pleasure. Enjoy!
Thanks for the Memories –Marjorie, 35, New York City
“I was the oldest of the grandchildren in my family, and we kids knew my grandmother was not the greatest cook. But we did have fond, fond memories of this one great cookie she made: the black-and-white kind, frosted with half-vanilla and half-chocolate icing. The grown-ups told us, “You’re remembering those wrong. They were absolutely vile.” But we insisted they’d been manna from Heaven. Well, just after I graduated college, I had the bright idea of going into Grandma’s old recipe files and making the cookies. Which I did. Then I carried them in my lap on the plane to Cleveland, where I opened the box to screams of joy. We all dug in. Took a taste. And screamed again — in disgust. The grown-ups were right: the cookies were so sickly sweet that only a 6-year-old could love them. And I had ruined everyone’s sweet memories of them because I just couldn’t let sleeping dogs lie. At least the grown-ups enjoyed themselves — laughing at our shattered memories. Humph.”
Giving Thanks –Laura, 36, New York City
“One November, my brother and I went to Florida to see our father and extended family. On Thanksgiving Day, my grandmother started cooking at 8 a.m. and started knocking back the scotches at 10 a.m. Dinner was at 4 p.m. We gathered at the table, all 19 of us, tons of delicious food ready for our consumption. My dad had us bow our heads and said a very moving prayer about gratitude and family, and brought tears to everyone’s eyes at the ‘amen.’ We sat in loving silence for a moment, each reflecting on the heartfelt words, and my grandmother announced (boozily), ‘You all better eat my god-damned turnips!’”
Brand-New You? –Rachel, 30, Phoenix
“I had just started dating a new guy. It was going well, so I invited him over to the Thanksgiving shindig I was hosting at my place. Since the summer I’d been shedding pounds over the past few months from the combination of being broke and brokenhearted (over a different guy). As a result, I hadn’t been so social and hadn’t seen a lot of friends for a while. The new boy shows up, and then suddenly so does a crush of people. Friends are greeting me immediately, before bothering to introduce themselves to him. Consequently, he hears the following: ‘Oh my God what happened to you? You lost so much weight!’ ‘Gosh, where did the rest of you go?’ and, my personal favorite: ‘Wow, are you on the Zone again?’ (the ‘again’ was the kicker). To every question I answered sweetly ‘meet my date, Michael’ and everyone clammed up. He turned to me after and said, ‘My God, what did you used to look like?’ Nice.”
Recipe for Success –Ann, 36, Miami, Ohio
“Thanksgiving horror stories? I have none. My turkeys always turn out perfectly. I find the key to family holiday success is buying as much wine as you think you need, and then doubling it.”
This entry was posted on Sunday, November 11th, 2007 at 1:39 pm and is filed under Funny, Holiday. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.